Flight of the SatNav Lady

I’d forgotten about this lovely little post from 2011 when SatNav ladies had a mind (and map) of their own.

No matter how many times I travel, I can’t rid myself of these bouts of paranoia. It’s become a ritual for me to chew my nails, or the nearest person’s brains from the moment I wake up to the minute I receive my boarding pass.

Sometimes I go so far as to make a list of all the things that could delay my departure – traffic, taxis, earthquakes, cows – usually, this helps me strengthen my backup plan in case these calamities strike.

But on a recent trip to Germany, I didn’t quite anticipate the most terrifying catastrophe of them all – the SatNav lady. Let me just point out that if Google Maps is a dog, eager to please in any way possible, the SatNav lady is a cat. Go figure.

Anyway, we were to drive from Dilligen, an hour and a half from Munich, to Frans Josef Strauss airport. We got as comfortable as we could — four adults with four large suitcases, two small carry on bags, not to mention backpacks, did I mention we’re Indian? — when the following happened:

Please turn right and then take a right again.
Fair enough.

Please turn right (again) in 100 meters.
Are you sure?

Please turn right.
If you say so.

Please take a U-Turn if possible.
But you just said…

Please take a U-Turn if possible.
Well, you are the expert and I don’t really have a choice, so…

Please turn left.
But that’s taking us back to the hotel.

Now, turn right onto the A8 to Munich.
But we haven’t even gotten out of Dilligen yet. We’re not from around here but even we know that’s not for a couple of miles.

Please take a U-Turn if possible.
I don’t think she knows where she’s going. Somebody summon Google Maps… NOW!

Prepare to reach a dead end.
But.. I’ll miss my flight! I need to sign into work tomorrow morning… I’ll loose my job! What did I ever do to you? *bawling inside my head*

In that case, drive on for a 100 miles and THEN turn right onto the A8 to Munich.
Thank you. Thank you so much. How can I ever repay you for doing the job for which you were invented?

150 Miles Later…
You have reached your destination.
Wait! This isn’t the airport. It’s the autobahn and no one seems to be going anywhere below 200 kmph. Damn you SatNav lady!!!!

(Some of the above might have happened inside my head)

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